I have this thought that the creator was asleep when he was creating me. Hence I have come about to live on this Earth with a lot of psychological malfunctions. Though I must have existed this way it has somehow escaped all my introspective lapses. It must have been sheer vanity on my part to have ignored this till now as obviously I would not want to recognize the fact that I (or rather my brain) does not function the way it is normally expected to.
It has been very important to come to terms with this abberation of mine as it has taken me into vistas of humanity analysis that has eluded me in the past. Every sentence I speak (I am quite garrulous for that matter) and every conversation that I get into opens up a separate channel in my brain that starts analyzing the dialouge and the person/ people I am conversing with. This thought channel, very clearly sends out signals back to the receptive part of my brain expressing happiness, sadness, repulsion etc.
Here is where my problem starts. Though I am able to feel happiness signals when speaking to people I like, there is also a sort of unhappiness when I speak to conceited people and that induces my parallel thought channel to generate repulsive signals. Though it is not my fault that these signals are sent out, I get psychologically attuned to these and this influences my judgement on these people (though it is in no way worng to be repulsed by such human beings).
The problem is - it is going to be an arduous task to stop this parallel thought process initiations. Hence my relationships with these individuals have become ostentatious and this is my greatest worry. But as I stated in the beiginning, it is a mal function on my part as the percentage of conceited individuals living on this Earth is much higher when compared to individuals who do not want a fake character/ identity. So, I would continue to call this parallel thought process a mal function of my brain. This way I neither criticize myself nor do I blame others. I can simply put it upon my creator as I did earlier.
The fact of the matter is simple. Human beings are the only zoological creatures that have managed to act as individual entities and exist with unique characterisitcs and this has caused all the problems today.
